Rambles #1

rambles #1 (1).png

I don’t do this often.

I don’t open up the page to write a blog post with absolutely no planning. This “let your hands and heart take your words where they want to go” thing? I haven’t done it for… probably several months now. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to blog about, or what blog posts I had to write, when I open a new draft.

And I’ve missed this. My title space is blank right now, because I legit don’t know what I’m going to talk about. So I’m warning you, this will probably be the most unstructured, not focused blog post in a LONG time.

When I began blogging, I never told anyone IRL that I blogged. Because this was meant to be my personal space where I could talk about anything and everything, and I really did NOT want any IRL contacts to read those thoughts. They were things I was comfortable only sharing with like-minded people of the internet who did not know me in real life, and could not judge me on a whole.

I kept this blog a secret for MONTHS and slowly, after I began college and finally found the direction this blog was going, I started letting people know that I had a blog. By then, everyone who knew me before was either shocked or hurt—because I didn’t even tell them I had a blog.

Even about a couple weeks back, I told a friend from college (whom I’m not much close to) that I was blogging then and he was shocked that I had a blog. Because we’d known each other for over a year and I didn’t exactly go around promoting my blog, he didn’t know. When I said I’ve been blogging for almost two years, he was hurt.

My point from the last couple paragraphs* is that this blog stopped being an unrestricted outlet. Since the time I began to give IRL people links to this blog, I’ve edited posts and hidden complete posts of my ramblings. It’s personal, you know? And they’re things I only tell my best friends, sometimes not even them.

Back when I was completely anonymous here, that was when I blogged freely like this. When I was sad or happy or just whenever, I would pick up my phone or get on the computer and blog my heart out. I’ve even written a couple blog posts while crying. And I miss that.

*not that I REALLY have any point in this blog post

There’s a new feature with a recent update on wordpress—you can make individual posts “password protected”. The reader has to know the password to read those posts, and I’ve honestly been wanting to use it for a while now. I would give the password to a few blogger friends who have been following me since the beginning—and have supported me through those emotional posts—or maybe no one.

Blogging while thinking about niches, followers, what you want your content to be or become is sometimes exhausting. The simple blogging which I knew when I made a website on the fly: just typing as you go, can be such a release. There’s no thinking about followers, views, making your posts look good and trying to compete with all the bloody amazing blogs out there.

Yeah you could email the bloggers your friends with with your thoughts, but it isn’t the same. I follow a lot of blogs which are still owned by anonymous bloggers who simply write their heart out. I’ve been following them since I began blogging. But recently most of the posts I read are of informative content or are on a proper topic. They’re not rambles about life, emotions and just living. They’re not rambles, period.

I used to blog about reviews and through seeing other blogs with book reviews, I found the innumerable book blogs with AMAZING content, and I found myself wanting to be them. I wanted to put out professional content, still do, but I find myself missing this rambly side of blogging more.

(also, I’m only now noticing the frequency with which I’m saying the words “blog”,”blogger” and “blogging”) (if I say it as many times from now, you’re welcome to yell at me lol)

I honestly can’t remember the last time one of my posts was this long with no graphics, bullet points OR sub-headings. No joke. I’m itching to add graphics and make this more “presentable” but I’m trying to hold back and be free with this post. That’s what this is all about.

You know what, when I wanted to write this post—to just type my heart out—I was thinking more on the lines of academic and IRL stresses. Not blogging. It just went that way, and I’m glad.

Until now I’ve been trying not to stick to a niche even though my book-related posts are significantly more. This is mostly because I still want to write personal posts like this with no real point. Other than making myself feel better.

I would have read a HUGE number of posts around the internet on blogging until now. And many of them that give advice say don’t stress yourself about blogging. Don’t make it another job. If you’re not enjoying it, don’t worry about taking a hiatus. I’ve said these things myself. And I HAVE taken a month-long hiatus once this year.

I hated it.

I’m pretty sure I blogged and just scheduled the posts to go up next month. Despite the amount of time it requires, I love the whole process of writing my thoughts on something. Doesn’t matter if it’s based on a prompt or not. I’ve never been good at talking for long face-to-face but I am pretty good at it through a screen, if I say so myself.I’m not analyzing you while saying this to determine if you’re engaged. I’m not worrying about keeping your attention.

A lot of times when I’m saying something either in a conversation or to multiple people on a stage, I tend to go off-script based on the reaction I see. I switch tactics, leave out stuff or explain it further. I have that fear that I’m doing doing enough to keep the person(s) in front of me interested.

Multiple times I stop a conversation in middle before even getting to the point. I wrap it up quickly because I see that the other person isn’t really into it, and I’m not going to force them to listen. 99% of the times I’m right and the person doesn’t even realise that I cut it short.

This is why I love blogging. If the reader is engaged, great. If not, I can’t do anything. And my posts do “stick to script” since I don’t modify it based on the response. It’s freeing

If you have a blog with a niche (not personal-related), I don’t know how you do it. I’m more than 1k words into this talking about blogging when it wasn’t even on my mind—or that’s what I thought.

I’ve just named the blog post Rambles #1. Because that’s what this is, and I have nothing else to say in the title. And I really do want to ramble about more things, hence the #1.

See you soon.

2 thoughts on “Rambles #1”

  1. I stopped in, read your About page, and then this post. And you know, I think it’s great.
    It’s wonderful that people have super focused blogs, but the blog should suite the needs of the blogger as much as the needs of the reader, if not more. And if you need to rant, then go for it! I try to have a focused blog, but… well, I’m not that good at it. 😛 I don’t post often posts are all over the place…. it’s just a mess. But that’s fine. I do it how I want to do it. Sure, I think about the readers, but ultimately I end up doing a balance of what I think I should do and what I feel I should do. And, I suppose, what I need to do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First of all, thank you so much!
      Yeah I really like writing the other reader-focused posts as well but sometimes I just need to rant and I think I will loosen up a little more and post what I want. It’s great that you do what you want to do in the end, that’s how it should be 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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