My upcoming future

7 days left!

My finals are approaching so damn fast! The beginning of feb doesn’t seem so in the past, feels like its been only a week or so.

I am so scared for finals; I feel nauseous.

Yesterday, I decided to put my free time or the time when I absolutely can not get anything into my head to some good use and made a countdown calendar (that’s just a fancy name, its basically the normal dates in boxes). Yes, I could have used a normal calendar to cross off days but February and March come on different pages so I can’t see the deadline looming in one glance. Also, I just felt like making one.

study study study” be my mantra

Seeing the small number of leftover days will make me study more, or that’s what I hope. (Thank goodness for an extra day this year.)

Flashback to last night when I was filling in the numbers…

I’m sitting casually on my bed, using an orange sketchpen to write the number ‘5’. My physics exam day. As I bold it, my mind makes up a prediction where I don’t prepare well. I come back home after the exam, look at this and wish that we could pretend it never happened. I’m crying, thinking how I can never redo this exam which has a very big role in determining my future. My parents will be so disappointed. I got 10/10 cgpa in 10th grade and in two years my performance went all downhill..

You can see how I psyched myself out.

I stopped making the calendar in between and picked up my chemistry material at 11:30 in the night to do another chapter at least before I went to bed. I needed some feeling of being prepared. I would have studied more, because I had lost any sleep I had coming, if I didn’t have to go to school today to collect my hall ticket (its kind of like an admission card, we need it to enter exam room).

Today, my english teacher addressed the whole senior class and very effectively scared us shitless (as if I wasn’t already). She is a very good speaker and made us serious. We had to study.

I uninstalled facebook amd instagram from my mobile for now so I wouldn’t spend unnecessary time scrolling there. I’ve stopped watching TV shows online (I hardly switch on my real TV set anymore) and the amount of spoilers online just make me want to binge watch episodes since December (that’s when I stopped) and I really shouldn’t waste time there. I do have a few books (not reading really though) and my music (which makes up most of my day now that I have nothing else).

I cannot wait to be done with these exams. Half my life will be back after March and the rest in May. I have a few common entrance tests till May 5th.

Yeah.. I am psyching myself out even more now.

I’ll leave you with a snap of my “countdown” calendar.

The dates in blue are of February. Orange indicates my exam days in March, bright to stand out and brown for the down days.

Notice the mistakes that I tried to cover up with white paint? (23rd Feb and 25th Mar) That was when I was so lost in my thoughts and worrying that I didn’t notice what I was writing. Also see how I crossed off yesterday’s date in bold like it’s barricaded? That’s because I really regret losing another day and to show I won’t be getting it back.

By now you must be bored and totally exasperated with me (if you did manage to read till here) so I’m going to go.

Ba-bye xx



21 thoughts on “My upcoming future”

  1. This is the replica of MY life! Even I have exams till April followed by entrances in may! Doesn’t the blog distract you ? I’m not on fb , insta but I check my blog at least three times a day! Best of luck 2 both of us!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Actually I want to go for English Lit but with all the stigma and less opportunities, I decided I’ll do basics in CS and later take on English. Ehat are you studying?

        Liked by 1 person

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