I’ve always loved dressing up. Even on a normal day, I wear tops a little different than the rest such that I look casual enough but a bit dressy too. It comes from my mom, who always looks for clothes that aren’t so normal or frequent. I love clothes and colors and accessorising.
Being Tamilians, traditionally we wear saris, half-saris or a top-skirt combination which is not your usual ensemble. They’re grand, with gold accessories and it basically looks really gorgeous. I’m more of a modern person (not that I don’t appreciate the tradition of my own roots) as I’m not comfortable with skirts or long gowns.
Then there are suits (mostly worn by northern Indians) which are equally grand. I prefer them more as even though the top part comes almost to my foot, its loose and there are leggings underneath (in a silk-like texture, how cool is that) plus a scarf (mostly netted).
I’m wearing a suit to my high school farewell party. I blogged about he party here. It’s a combination of light blue and gold; wearing it along with dressy gold wedges, I feel gorgeous. I don’t need anyone to shower compliments because I know myself. Considering I have a good fashion sense (so told by my friends), I usually know when I look good.
I don’t dress up for someone else such as a boy or friends or family, I dress up because I want to feel good.
I used to be heavily insecure about my plump body and after 10th grade I drastically lost weight upto the point that I had slightly hollowed cheekbones and my earlier clothes hanged loose. I looked almost the same(in size) as an average person but everyone started commenting how I became so skinny and how it doesn’t suit me.
Believe it or not I underwent physical change and hardly lost any weight. I might have grown taller. I got fed up then-first I’m subtly always made known how I’m fat and then you go saying I’m too thin because you’re used to seeing me plump! I became irritated with any comment given about my looks.
After that, I spent time in front of the mirror and looked over every feature of myself, analysing how it doesn’t look good and then how it does and made my peace with it, accepted it. Piece-by-piece I accepted myself how I was and now I don’t give much thought to what others say. You complimented me? Thank you very much. You insulted me? Moving on.
So today, standing in front of my long mirror, I look over myself in that gorgeous suit and smile. I look beautiful. I become giddy and dance, jump, laugh. My mum watches me with pride. She knows how I used to think of myself and was with me during my transition from a highly underconfident girl to one who stands with her shoulders back and chin high.
That’s when I truly realise, I am someone on my own. I’m not her friend or her classmate or that girl in so-so class stuck with a novel anymore. I’m not one label. In the past two years I’ve been called fun, quirky, wierd, sarcastic, kind, supportive and many more including fat, plump, the ugly one in the group. I’ve been called a nerd, a bookworm, a fashionista, the computer geek, an introvert and mostly ‘that girl’. I do take pride that I can’t be classified into one category.
It feels exhilarationg, dear reader, to let go and breathe freely, to not care too much about what others view you as.
I want to pass this along to you too. You are a blanket of stars in the sky. Others may pick out whatever shapes they find by joining the various stars on you, and none of them are completely true. All that matters is how you perceive yourself. Love your beautiful soul.
Have you ever gone through a transition like this? Do you have issues with how you are perceived or looked at? I would love to hear all your stories. We aren’t alone.